A precious moment

Yesterday was a difficult day, as we buried my sweet gramps. My gramma was not suprisingly having a very hard time, but for her, that means mentally checking out and visiting dementia land. Even the simplest of tasks became mountains to overcome when getting her ready and I knew we would do well to get her through the service. I made a difficult decision to not bring her to the cemetery for the internment. I had been watching her at the church service and knew it was already too much.
I am grateful for the opportunity to be the one that organized and oversaw all of the details for papaw's funeral, and grateful that I could be the one that those around me looked to for direction. But a small selfish part of me wanted more of that day to allow me to do my own grieving.
It was good to be around my family and I cherish every relationship I have. I am grateful for my best friend, who stepped in to do whatever I needed doing, and grateful for the people who came to pay their respects.
One of the still small blessings that touched me most deeply yesterday was the love and affection of a seven year old who clung to me in some of my most difficult moments.
My sweet precious Emma ran up to me many times during the course of the day to hug me and remind me that she, too was here to love and support me. I held myself together pretty well most of the day, but I also knew that I was going to have the honor of recieving my gramps flag at the internment and I wasn't so sure I would hold myself together. My sweet, sweet girl made sure to sit next to me during the internment and reached out to hold my hand and at some point wrapped herself around me with yet another comforting hug. It touched my heart in a way that words cannot even describe. I remember looking at her precious little freckled face and into her deep blue eyes and thanking God for showing himself a place I did not expect to find him yesterday. I will carry those most precious moments close to my heart.

Angels are among us

With both a heavy and joyous heart, I had the great honor and privilege to be at the side of my sweet papaw as he went to his heavenly reward last night. I was able to hold his hand and whisper in his ear of his awaiting Savior as he took his last breath. It was a prayer answered for me. I spoke with the Lord often in the last few weeks about wanting that honor and am so grateful that he allowed me to be my papaw's escort before the gates of heaven. Tears are rolling down my face and yet I am so grateful that he has finally been released from a broken body to a new and glorious one. He has been reunited with his children and so many other friends and family that were waiting for him and now, I have one more guardian angel watching over me in this earthly place.
Angels do walk this earth each and every day and yesterday, our family was blessed to have one in our presence. Her name is Lois and she was my grandfathers nurse for the remainder of his hours on this earth. It was very apparent the moment she stepped foot into our lives that she was an amazing woman. Her voice was soft and she went straight to him to find out how she could make him comfortable. She had him on medications immediately to keep him comfortable and remained ever so diligent in maintaining that comfort. She was gentle with him and talked to him about everything she did, as he was unable to speak. She was acutely aware of his body language and of each stage as he stepped closer to his heavenly home and made sure that I was aware in a kind and gentle way. She held his hand as well as mine. One of the biggest moments that stood out to me was her ability to make him so emotionally comfortable. She whispered in his ear, asking him what we needed to change, who needed to be there or not be there as he left this world. She asked him, when he was ready to go, to close his eyes, and he did. As we talked, she said that this moment had been planned for a long time, the roll had already been called, and until the roll was called, he would not go home. There was a way that God intended this night to go and it would play out just as He intended. She was a strong stable spirit of God with a compassion and caring that was so very comforting and perfect. I thank God for Lois and I know many other families before and after me do as well. She is an angel with a very special calling.
Lord, thank you so much for placing so many amazing people in our paths during papaws and memaw final days here on this earth. Thank you for surrounding us with your presence and your love and your peace. Thank you for letting me be by his side during his last moment and thank you for allowing me to keep looking after memaw as long as she has left on this earth. You are my rock.

The circle of life....

I do believe that time is winding down here in this imperfect world for my gramps. The last several months have been rough on him physically and I sense his mind and spirit are not too far behind. Just recently, he told me that he was ready to go "home" whenever the Lord called him and was peaceful and rather matter of fact about it. I have no doubt that preparations for him in Heaven are wrapping up and his welcoming committee is tending to the final touches to make his homecoming perfect.
While still emotional about it, I am at peace ( as much as one can be) about the events that lie ahead. I know where he is going and that I will see him again. I find myself in very intimate conversations with God about it. As taxing and tiring as this calling has been, I still find myself in awe of the fact that the Lord appointed me to be the one to see my grandparents through to the end of their days here on this earth.
As their earthly bodies wear out, and my decisons get more difficult, my prayer continues to be; that wisdom would guide me in giving them dignity and safety, that discernment would walk beside me and whisper in my ear when doctors wishes are one thing and the grandparents wishes are another, and that clarity would keep my eyes and my heart open to the decisions that best serve my grandparents and the Lord's will.