The Art of Moving a Grandmother

As the month has marched on after the passing of my grandfather, my focus has been forced to turn to the financial affairs and well being of my grandmother. When we brought my grandfather home on hospice last month, it became apparent very quickly that I would need somebody to stay in their apartment with them throughout the night. I also learned very quickly that hiring a caregiver to stay with a loved oldie is not cheap.
My grandmother has been in a steady decline for the last several years and battles with dementia, anxiety, sundowning and depression. Add on confusion, aggressive tendencies and at times utter meanness, and you have a recipe for someone who can not safely stay alone, much less take care of themselves. Up until my grandfathers health started to turn in January, he had looked out for her and taken care of her when the help at the assisted living was unavailable and honestly, I believe that the toll of that role on him led to his ultimate demise.
Fast forward to now where I am continuing to pay caregivers to stay with her at night because her sundowing and dementia have worsened in his absense and many nights she does not sleep at all . Their already small bankroll to keep them going until they leave this world is quickly drying up and I have had to make some pretty tough decisions about how to proceed.
By the grace of God, I was put in contact with an associate that I got to know when my grandparents moved into their current assisted living and he now has his own assisted living group home. The max capcity is 8, maybe 1o residents, there is one on one care for all, homecooked meals and it's a beautiful house. The cost is much better than what I am having to pay now and will certainly allow us to keep her out of a medicaid nursing home for much longer than if she stayed in her current residence. Actually, if she stayed put, we would be out of money in 5 months. Scarey. I love the home that I have found for her and think after a period of adjustment, she will do well there, but boy! In the meantime I've had to put on my "tough" face and deal with her malicious words and hateful attitude towards me. Kinda reminds me of when mom used to try and rattle my cage. I can handle it most of the time, but occasionally, she can find one of my buttons and push it. Today she succeeded. As I tried to explain to her
that she was running out of money and the reason for the move, she venemously told me that her money was probably gone because I had been spending it on myself. OUCH, that was below the belt and honestly really hurt. I've spent so many hours of my time, miles on my car, time away from my own life and career to take care of them/her that she almost got a reaction out of me. It was one of those moments where I really had to take a breath to take the high road but not before I almost let her engage me in an argument. However, good counseling( and that proverbs that addresess holding the tongue) kicked in and I simply told her"I'm done talking to you now." Had to walk away because she wanted nothing more than an argument at that point. The move should be intersting but I think I have set everything up to be as stress free as possible. Monday is the big day and with help from the cousins and the brother, hopefully all will go well.
I've continued to pray for clarity regarding this change and God just sent me another sign this morning. A caregiver that works at her current assisted living ( that my grandmother really likes) is coming to work at the house where I am moving her and will be there when we move Monday. I love that He knows my heart so well that He finds ways to assure me when I am unsure of that the path I have chosen is the path he intended.
So goes another day, another adventure in the wild, wild kingdom.

My special Angel

Mama has been on my mind much recently....
I often love to go back and read one of the many treasures she left behind for me. She was always so gifted with words and I cherish every letter, every card, every poem, every journal entry and every email. This was the last correspondence I would have with mama....written and sent to me mere hours before she would depart from this world.

Hi Baby,
It
really is important to live
each day as if it were a present from God.  That is what it is.  I'm sicker,
can't understand it.  I guess
the last year really did serious damage.  But I will rebound, and be
stronger for it.  I learned a lot,
which perhaps helps me to help others.
I pray that God will give you strength to do what you have to do.  God does
not test us, but allows
us to live in a world of evil.  Each test makes us stronger.  The book of
James talks of this, also
Isaiah  43:2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and
through the rivers,
they shall not overflow thee:...God is always with us. Whatever we do in
life, we are never alone.
Love you, pray for you, ask God to hold safe and show the way.  Be strong,
you are one of his
angels, sent to help others.

Much love,  MOM

"God not only sends special angels into our lives, but sometimes He even sends them back again if we forget to take notes the first time! " - Eileen Elias Freeman

Dear Mama,

It was three years ago tonight that you were crowned with your heavenly birthday and my world changed forever.
That night as we raced up to the hospital and Kevin called me with the news that you were no longer with us in this world, I remember like it was yesterday the wailing that erupted from me as my heart broke. The woman that brought me into this world, who has loved me every second of my life was gone from my earthly grasp.
I miss you mama.
I remember oh so clearly the last time I saw you. We were standing on the front walkway of your house and I was hugging you goodbye as you awaited daddy's long anticipated arrival home. We were both apprehensive about his arrival, and I remember we held onto each other for an extra long time as we hugged. I was determined to support you despite my own doubts and misgivings about daddy's homecoming. I remember we lingered there. I go back to that moment so many times in my mind when I miss you. I can almost feel your arms around me when I close my eyes.
It was the longest we had gone in a very long time without seeing each other. Two weeks. I know, we talked every day, many times multiple times, but I never saw you alive again after daddy came home.
I never got to take you to your Mother's Day tea. I know, you had a lot of days you were not feeling well, but I really wanted to take you. I suppose we can put that on the calendar when I come home.
Kevin and I have started a lovely tradition though. I know you would like it. Every year we go back out to where our family shared some of our most precious moments and we visit you on the hillside where we scattered your ashes.



I always pick the wildflowers that are blooming along the hike there and leave them for you under your tree.


We reminisce about all the many things that made you special and count our blessings knowing that God called you home at just the perfect time. We talk about how we miss you. We daydream about a time when we could buy WindDreamer back again. We never cease to be amazed at how serene and beautiful the land is where we laid you to rest. We then head back into town to eat at one of our favorite stops where we often frequented as a family. We enjoy the conversation and closeness that we have always shared.
Mama, you would be proud. We do a good job of looking out for each other and being there for each other.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. No day where I don't miss you.
But I know, I will see you again someday and I know you still pop in from time to time to let me know that you are still looking over me from heaven.
Today, we celebrated your life, the love that you poured over us, the lessons you have taught us and the beauty that you carried that dimmed this world when you left it.
I love you,
your baby girl

A Room with a View

This is a view from my back patio where I often love to just sit and think and pray. I especially love to sit on the patio in the evening hours ( without the mosquitos in a perfect world)when the crickets and tree frogs beckon me to the tranquility of the gardens with their nocturnal melodies. This is the view I gaze upon with contentment as I sit with my husband and discuss the adventures of our day. This is a view of my creative mind coming to fruition. This is a view that makes me feel closer to God and to those who loved me and taught me the great gift and sense of peace that nature brings.