"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17 (NIV)
9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-11
These are verses that have played often in my mind recently as I have struggled with life circumstances as of late. God has a funny way of whittling away at us sometimes that may leave us, well, feeling like nothing more than a nub of wood, raw and exposed to all of the elements in all of our nakedness.
I can't honestly say that I would use the word "delight" in dealing with my weakness, but on the other hand, I know that while I don't like where I am right now, both physically or emotionally, that God has a purpose and a plan in the journey that I am taking. He has in effect, uprooted me from so much that is familiar and comfortable that once again I am forced to rely not on my own strength but His and His alone. From one who loves to be in control ( or at least think I am), the lessons of where my strength must remain can feel painfully harsh, and yet my heart knows it is out of His love that I must walk through the discomfort to receive the blessing that He has planned for me. He is not a God of mediocrity and He knows that in my haste to find some sort of peace I will settle. My mind knows that He will never allow me more than I can handle and yet in the last several weeks I have found myself yelling at God at the top of my lungs that I just can't take anymore. It feels as though it has been a constant push now for 5 years and just when I think the storms will calm, there is still more to come.
And yet.....
there is a still small voice somewhere in the recesses of my mind that tells me that these growing pains I am going through now are necessary to usher me into the next chapter, whatever that may be. So, by His grace alone, may I find my way along the path, remembering that He is always by my side and that it's okay to let it all out to Him, the weariness, the sadness, the uncertainty, the discomfort and even the reluctance to trust what He is doing; to remember that He can handle all of my doubts and fears.
For when I am weak, He is strong
and I can stop holding my breath
and learn once again to exhale.
