The Art of Moving a Grandmother

As the month has marched on after the passing of my grandfather, my focus has been forced to turn to the financial affairs and well being of my grandmother. When we brought my grandfather home on hospice last month, it became apparent very quickly that I would need somebody to stay in their apartment with them throughout the night. I also learned very quickly that hiring a caregiver to stay with a loved oldie is not cheap.
My grandmother has been in a steady decline for the last several years and battles with dementia, anxiety, sundowning and depression. Add on confusion, aggressive tendencies and at times utter meanness, and you have a recipe for someone who can not safely stay alone, much less take care of themselves. Up until my grandfathers health started to turn in January, he had looked out for her and taken care of her when the help at the assisted living was unavailable and honestly, I believe that the toll of that role on him led to his ultimate demise.
Fast forward to now where I am continuing to pay caregivers to stay with her at night because her sundowing and dementia have worsened in his absense and many nights she does not sleep at all . Their already small bankroll to keep them going until they leave this world is quickly drying up and I have had to make some pretty tough decisions about how to proceed.
By the grace of God, I was put in contact with an associate that I got to know when my grandparents moved into their current assisted living and he now has his own assisted living group home. The max capcity is 8, maybe 1o residents, there is one on one care for all, homecooked meals and it's a beautiful house. The cost is much better than what I am having to pay now and will certainly allow us to keep her out of a medicaid nursing home for much longer than if she stayed in her current residence. Actually, if she stayed put, we would be out of money in 5 months. Scarey. I love the home that I have found for her and think after a period of adjustment, she will do well there, but boy! In the meantime I've had to put on my "tough" face and deal with her malicious words and hateful attitude towards me. Kinda reminds me of when mom used to try and rattle my cage. I can handle it most of the time, but occasionally, she can find one of my buttons and push it. Today she succeeded. As I tried to explain to her
that she was running out of money and the reason for the move, she venemously told me that her money was probably gone because I had been spending it on myself. OUCH, that was below the belt and honestly really hurt. I've spent so many hours of my time, miles on my car, time away from my own life and career to take care of them/her that she almost got a reaction out of me. It was one of those moments where I really had to take a breath to take the high road but not before I almost let her engage me in an argument. However, good counseling( and that proverbs that addresess holding the tongue) kicked in and I simply told her"I'm done talking to you now." Had to walk away because she wanted nothing more than an argument at that point. The move should be intersting but I think I have set everything up to be as stress free as possible. Monday is the big day and with help from the cousins and the brother, hopefully all will go well.
I've continued to pray for clarity regarding this change and God just sent me another sign this morning. A caregiver that works at her current assisted living ( that my grandmother really likes) is coming to work at the house where I am moving her and will be there when we move Monday. I love that He knows my heart so well that He finds ways to assure me when I am unsure of that the path I have chosen is the path he intended.
So goes another day, another adventure in the wild, wild kingdom.