The first day

As the morning turned to afternoon and mom settled down a little, I turned my attention to focusing on taking care of her immediate daily and financial needs. Despite having our hearts ripped out, the world around us continued to turn and there were things like groceries to buy and bills to pay, doctors appointments to reschedule and the like. Mom and I have always been two peas in a pod when it comes to finding control wherever we can , and in an odd comforting kind of way, this was at least a small grasp of not only control but also a distraction. Of course when we started to access the financial situation, it arose more panic and distress in mom, but we had no choice but to plow ahead and make the most of what we had at the moment. It was up to me to keep a clear head and comfort her as much as I could. I felt the Lord in my words and in my touch that day, guiding me down the path he intended me to follow. I prayed I was able to keep up.
Daddy had left us a list of the monthly bills so at least we had a place to start, but it was far from easy to make heads or tails of what he had left us. The checkbook was a disaster and had not been reconciled in at least 6 months, if not longer. We didn't even know how much money was really in the account. He had taken his laptop computer and to make things even more challenging, she had never touched the internet, so things would have to be done more old school until I could get things up to speed on my system at home. I started with a phone call to the automated bank line to get a balance in the checking and savings accounts and spent a good portion of the rest of the afternoon just getting some semblance of order in the check register and figuring out what bills needed to go out and when. Had we the ability to harness the emotional energy that encompassed the house that afternoon, we could have run the AC for at least a Texas summer and kept things running very cool. We were both exhausted and she was in a great deal of physical pain and we decided we had done all we could do. I made sure she had a little to eat and a fresh klenex supply and left her for her first evening alone in a house she couldn't even really call home. I am sure after I left she continued to try and call daddy, leaving message after message, begging him to come back, but those pleas would fall on deaf ears. He had no intention of coming back and I knew it. My heart broke for her, it broke for me.
I had done all I could do that day and all I wanted to do was to run home into the arms of my husband and have him hold me and help me forget for just a little while. I am forever grateful that he did exactly that, he held me and took care of me, listened to me with full attention and even tried to make me laugh; all the while letting me cry, letting me process the events of the day and standing solid beside me as the storm began ....all my mother had ever wanted from my father.