Beauty and Healing

It's been four years since my mother passed away and it has been since Christmas of that year that I have seen my father. It's a been a complicated relationship, but despite that, he's my dad and the bible teaches us to honor our parents.
In the past year, I have worked on making more of an effort to call daddy more regularly and follow God's lead on letting go of previous hurts. I had been praying about going to visit my dad, but had not felt God was telling me it was time. Then dad decided to have back surgery, which
turned up the need for open heart surgery! I prayed about going up for the surgery and still didn't feel the Holy Spirit moving. As hard as it was, I waited. It was difficult to be thousands of miles away when I knew what a serious surgery this was going to be, and then when I learned his wife had no one to wait with her, I really wanted to go, but my heart still said "wait." It was during the surgery while his wife and I were texting back and forth that God finally said "now you can go." I wanted to be sure, so I prayed God would speak through my husband and when we discussed it, he was not only supportive, but already had it in his mind that I needed to go. I so love that about my husband, his kindness and desire to help others and the importance of family.
So, the day my dad was released from the hospital, I got on a plane and flew to New York to help him with his recovery.
It proved to be a time of serving, healing and reconnection. Through my experiences of taking care of my grandparents, I've come to learn and respect the need for dignity when you are faced with caring for one who has lost the ability to do for themselves in their normal manner and this was no exception. I was grateful for the insight and truly felt it not only helped me to help daddy but to reinforce and bring to light the lessons God had been teaching me about being a humble servant. Now, that didn't stop me from being the hen that I can be ( grin), Daddy proudly referred to me as his 800lb gorilla who kept him in line. I have to give credit to my husband, who has taught me over the years how important laughter is and that keeping things light can make a difficult situation much more tolerable. This was a tool that I relied on to be helpful in a non confrontational way and it too served me well.
It was a week full of purpose and hard work and in some senses, new beginnings.
It was a bonus blessing that Daddy's and his wife's house was surrounded by the beauty of the landscape and I very much enjoyed the distractions of the views and life that teamed about.

This was the first thing I was greeted with in the morning as I awoke.


And this was the view outside the sun room, where daddy and I spent much time chatting and watching the activity outside of birds, squirrels, chipmunks and deer.

Learning to Exhale

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17 (NIV)

⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-11

These are verses that have played often in my mind recently as I have struggled with life circumstances as of late. God has a funny way of whittling away at us sometimes that may leave us, well, feeling like nothing more than a nub of wood, raw and exposed to all of the elements in all of our nakedness.

I can't honestly say that I would use the word "delight" in dealing with my weakness, but on the other hand, I know that while I don't like where I am right now, both physically or emotionally, that God has a purpose and a plan in the journey that I am taking. He has in effect, uprooted me from so much that is familiar and comfortable that once again I am forced to rely not on my own strength but His and His alone. From one who loves to be in control ( or at least think I am), the lessons of where my strength must remain can feel painfully harsh, and yet my heart knows it is out of His love that I must walk through the discomfort to receive the blessing that He has planned for me. He is not a God of mediocrity and He knows that in my haste to find some sort of peace I will settle. My mind knows that He will never allow me more than I can handle and yet in the last several weeks I have found myself yelling at God at the top of my lungs that I just can't take anymore. It feels as though it has been a constant push now for 5 years and just when I think the storms will calm, there is still more to come.

And yet.....

there is a still small voice somewhere in the recesses of my mind that tells me that these growing pains I am going through now are necessary to usher me into the next chapter, whatever that may be. So, by His grace alone, may I find my way along the path, remembering that He is always by my side and that it's okay to let it all out to Him, the weariness, the sadness, the uncertainty, the discomfort and even the reluctance to trust what He is doing; to remember that He can handle all of my doubts and fears.

For when I am weak, He is strong

and I can stop holding my breath

and learn once again to exhale.

"Maybe" part 1

This was the song playing on the radio as my husband drove home on a night that further signified the closing of a chapter of our lives and the opening of a new one.
It's funny how fast life can change. For the last five years, I have played the role of care giver, first to my mother and then to my grandparents. It has been a labor of love, one that I would not change for the world. Only a mere week before the 4th anniversary of my mother's death, my grandmother, my memaw, finally went home to meet her Creator and join the family that had gone on before her. Her quality of life had been poor for too long and as much as I knew I would miss her, I wanted her to be free of the frail frame that housed a now weary mind that was trapped in a fog of confusion. It was a difficult death. It broke my heart that her last hours on this earth were so labored and yet despite that, she was surrounded by all of her grandchildren and there was an overpowering flood of love that filled the room. It was almost as though it was memaw's last gift to her legacy, to bring all of her grandchildren together to embrace what was so important to her, family. It's a unique situation, seeing a loved one off to heaven, one that for us, strengthened our family bond and brought us all closer together. It was not until I was writing and processing the events of the last weeks, that I even realized the gift that she gave us on her heavenly birthday. God is good, my baby girl is home and I have started to realize that a chapter of my life is ending that may leave me a bit lost for a spell. But it also leaves me wondering what great adventures God has for me next. While I have to be honest and say I hope things are a bit calmer in the next chapter, I know that whatever He has in store can be nothing less than great. I am so very grateful for the opportunities that God has given me to learn and grow in so many ways these last several years and how abundantly He has blessed me in ways I could have never imagined.

The Corner Garden, where it all began

In the Garden

As we get ready to embark on a new adventure, selling this house and moving to another, I find myself already missing my garden here and yet looking forward to a clean palate.
I love that when I came to the house, there was nothing but grass and trees. I got to create my own oasis and loved every minute of it.
I love that a once barren yard now blooms throughout the seasons and is vibrant with life. The Mr. and Mrs. ( a pair of cardinals that have been coming to our yard for four years now!) love to collect nest materials and poke about the plants while the geckos scurry about. The purple martins have made our yard a hang out spot the last two years and the hummingbird we have fondly named Homer has been visiting the last three years. We have toads and worms and even some small garden snakes. I will miss our majestic bald cypress and the way it sounds when the rain falls through the leaves on a summer afternoon and I will miss sitting at my mother's old patio table overlooking my creation as I speak with our creator.
What better place to explore the old pictures and the development than here. Join me will you on my path through the garden?

Micah 6:8

"He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly
and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God."

The mission statement of an amazing lady that graced this earth for 103 years.

Being Still with a side of Joy

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God every time I remember you. In all of my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy. ~ Philippians 1:2-3

As the leaves on the trees have faded from bright green to shades of amber, red and gold, and more recently begun their decent to rest upon the ground, I find myself once again wondering how in the world another year has flown by. The bustle of the Christmas season is in full swing and I find myself busy scheduling special time with loved ones, decorating, baking, shopping and all of the sundry pre-holiday activities. It is in the midst of the busy holiday season, that I especially cherish the moments of being still. The moments that give me pause to embrace all that God has blessed me with.
It's a cold and cloudy afternoon and I am sitting on the couch in the quiet of my living room, surrounded by nothing more that the illumination of Christmas lights and the sounds of content snores of my dogs nearby. I adore these moments.
I love the holiday season. I love celebrating the birth of Christ and I especially love going to church during the advent season. I love the music and I love that people are so generous this time of year. I treasure that it is a season of gratitude and good will.
While each year has it's moments of sadness and trial, it also finds my cup abundantly overflowing. In the very essence of life, I am rich. Not monetarily, but in the ways that count the most, for the wisdom of the Lord reminds us;
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." ~ Matthew 6:19-20
My heart is overflowing with love for a husband that has found and shared with me a more intimate relationship with God. A husband who I love more every day and has finally found a career that challenges and fulfills him. A husband who continues to bring a smile to my soul and completes me in ways I could have never imagined.
My heart swells with love and adoration for the children that grace my life. While I have never been called to have children of my own, God has been so very gracious in allowing me to be involved with and share in so many sweet moments with each child in their own unique ways. My life would be so very incomplete without these precious relationships.
My heart dances with joy that my life has been deeply enriched with the companionship of some extraordinary women, each connection endeared to my spirit.
Then, of course there is family. A heart connection that draws deep and wide. A connection that can sometimes present challenges, but none the less, brings to my heart and mind a sense of deep loyalty and a desire to always embrace all that family can give. A love that comes from my very beginnings.
There are so many other ways my heart sings in gratitude and as the season continues so will my mantra of praise for all that makes me wealthy.
May we all remember in this season of celebration that the most joyous of all moments to lament upon is the great gift of life that God himself chose to experience with us here on this earth.